Foo Yuen Chong

It's gonna be a long blog post starting from the secondary high school me in Malaysia.

Starting high school was a bit of a change to me, at least to me personally. I have to start waking up early for school and I always thought that learning stuff in secondary school would be hard because you start using pens instead of pencils. "laugh" That was cool.

I didn't know why but back in high school, at least at the early stages of high school I was a happy little boy, with no worries. Looking back, I think the reason why I was so happy is because I was just so innocent. I remembered the days where I did not know what fuck or sex was until I was 14. Blending in wasn’t really a hard thing to do for me. I was born for that I guess? I have pretended to be the person that I am not, just to be with people and to have friends. That’s why no one ever takes me seriously. Fast forward to exams, I was always the kid with shitty grades but pops up when it all matters. I remember for our school back in Malaysia, your grades your end of term test counts but not the grades for mid-year exam or whatever. So I would did so bad all year but pop up good or average when it matters. That is why learning fast wasn’t really a challenge for me today since I did it in a yearly basis for roughly 5 years LOL. What was I thinking. I remember not studying but making my mum proud in this important exam that we called it “PMR” “Peperiksaan whatever” scoring 7A’s out of 8 for that. I meannnnn I am pretty smart. But that year after was a downfall to me. I lost myself. I blend in with the wrong people. Almost got myself suspended from school. Not studying, getting 5% in my math test, out of 100% btw and wasting my mum’s money.

It was really the 2 years that I regretted. I remembered the year where I have to apply to get into Westlake in New Zealand, but I couldn’t because my grades was so bad. Literally had to beg my teachers for good grades so it wouldn’t showed up on the list that I failed every single subject. I mean damn, I forgot how much of a loser I was. So yeah, after getting approved by Westlake, I just had this thought in me. I am going to turn my life around in New Zealand. Be someone new.

Going to Westlake, a new chapter begins. The first day, the 17 year old me had to blend in and the most courageous thing that I did was that, I sworn to myself that I am not gonna talk to Asians, I am just gonna be talking to the white guys. There it is again, me being the skillful blending machine, just getting into the crowd of white people. I am not gonna lie, it did not felt great. I don’t think I was talking to the right people. Or meeting the people I wanted to meet. So at June of that year, I had a turn around. I decided not to talk to white guys because I realized how stupid they are. “laughs” I guess white guys has been portrayed to be cool, smart and angelic on Hollywood movies and yeah I fell for it. Part of my agenda was fulfilled in Westlake. I blended myself into the society. But the one regrets remains, I still got bad grades. I remember times where I got embarrassed because I got make fun of for not getting good grades and it was really annoying. Think I almost cried because it really did hurt my pride. So middle of the year when I was year 13th around June, I knew I had to comeback. I don’t want to take a foundation year and I literally studied everyday in the library after school until externals so that I could do the course I want to do. Food Science at Auckland. Looking back, I am just a natural hardworker huh! Really am proud of that moment. I know its just 220? Or 200 credits but come on man! Going to 200 from what? 40 credits? I really did not know and did not want to count because It was just really little. Yup I got in andddddd something changed or clicked. Part of the reason, maybe 10% of it, the reason why I picked food technology at Massey is because I had a feeling that my first love will take that same degree next year. Haven’t got there yet, but yup she actually did. I really did love her back then, too bad she is into someone else, but I am still grateful for the memories.

First year at uni, I just don’t want to be a loser anymore so grades was the number 1 priority. Going hard for exams and test making it the agenda that I want to fulfil and also making friends. Oh btw, I was kind of disappointed at first on how small my class is/ was. Don’t want to talk about first year because. It was just normal, had some regrets, stupid, immature moments but it wasn’t iconic.

Second year came by. The first thought I had was “is she in food tech”. I liked to thank her for part of my success. Because, having us not being together back in high school changed me. I start reflecting on myself, I start changing habits, getting good grades, not being a playboy. Because I figured that was the reason we didn’t date back then. What’s so special about her is that, she is pure. I did not love her for her looks or for her body. I just love her being her. That is really the biggest compliment to her. So, seeing her at uni was ‘faith’ at least that’s what I thought. I really do think we could be together ‘laughs’. I did not really care too much at first, because the last time it did not end well. It was just complicated and confusing. (Oh man I still gotta study, crap ugh, finish this up and wake up early tomorrow probably).

Continue. I was grateful, again, I changed a lot. Starting to be myself because of her. Funny enough. Got the courage to talk to her and we became close again. Super close, and it went well, we held hands. It was nice but history repeats itself and it went downhill again. Don’t remember exact details.. since it wasn’t an iconic moment? But fast forward, told her my feelings, told her that we shouldn’t waste each other’s time and we moved on. I did expect a rejection after all so it wasn’t that bad. Didn’t tell anyone about this, it didn’t end well. But it was still sweet, she is still a sweetheart. AH man, weird how we are actually friends now. Like actual friends. Because usually, people don’t become friends after a certain break apart.

And this is the end of third year for me. Think I have talked a lot on third year. Focusing on myself, just being me. Because I figured, thinking about relationships is really a distraction and I hate losing relationships. Looking back, I just want to thank everyone in my life. Without the mean trolls, the positive people, the bullies, my first love. I wouldn’t change.

Wow wow wow, that’s a lot of iconic memories. What can I say. I think my life has been pretty interesting. It was a lot of, hard-work, blending in, getting harassed verbally, and not doing anything about it.

Right now, I would like to do something about it. Next year, I would change even drastically. Final year at university in my life. I would want to make that count. OHHH I need to go to my university Ball before I graduate. I have to. Not Planning on missing out.

Back to study. This is me signing off. Advice for the day: “Don’t just learn how to take, learn how to give and love life”