"Breathes out"
At this very moment, I would spend time by myself thinking, am I happy and to be absolutely honest to myself. Yes I am. How do I elaborate it.
Honestly, I truly feel that the conscious effort and me wanting to change and even surrounding myself with the people that I wanted to be surrounded with has positively impacted my life.
Not sure if this is the change most people gets with age but I remember a couple years ago, the only agenda on my brain is to become the funny guy, knowing tons of people. But yeah, have you ever felt lonely even when you are surrounded by a sea of people. Yup, that’s how I felt for my past two years. I genuinely feel that I could not even find a person in my life that I could seek help or even talk to whenever I need help because I never really develop these kinds of friendships.
Breaking up with most of my friends earlier this year was crazy, the initial plan was to stick to myself and change, and then surround myself with the people I wanted to be surrounded with. Fortunately, yeah I am REALLY happy that I have people that I can open up with, have a true conversation with and even talk about our future together.
The other thing I am glad I start opening up with, is God. For the past few years, I never really acknowledge my success or even being grateful to God. Because yeah, I am immature back then. But honestly, I am definitely not the go-to guy about bible verse or whatever. But I truly want to spend time on Sunday at church, just to be grateful of everything I have really! Not having to worry about putting food on the table, having a roof and a home to go back to, and having healthy family. I am honestly grateful of what I have, and I want to acknowledge that. It makes me happy. Oh yeah, and I got a job? And two more interviews? I think luck/ God plays a huge factor in my success and I want to be grateful and acknowledge that.
Yeah! Pretty much it! I am Happy at this stage of my life and tomorrow is always a better day.
What about things that still makes me unhappy?
Weird how I am going around this thought, but hey! I am not naïve, so let’s go. Soo things that makes me unhappy at this very moment in my life? I think the only thing that I wish would be better right now is, I want to give back. How should I explain it. Instead of having goals of being just about “me” I want part of my goal is wishing all my peers to be successful. I truly think that God helps me so I could be in a position to help other people. My wish for all my friends is them to be successful, I want them to believe in their dreams and work hard for it. That’s my wish for them.
The other little thing in my mind that stops me from being happy is the fear of failure. Easier said than done, but the “expectations” that my mum has in me along with the constant judgment that some of my family members looking at me, waiting for me to fail is a little intimidating. Funny enough, growing up with my mum, I could honestly say that we were the underdogs in my family. No one ever wish us success. Even when we are doing well, you could tell that they are there only because you have a value in you. Having to say that, I can honestly feel that some of my family members are just waiting for me to fall and being the pride of my family. I don’t really have the room to make mistakes. Maybe people would say Hey! Just don’t think about them! You do you. “I mean yeah technically I could, but this fire in my heart just don’t want to turn the engine down”. I will never let myself fail and I want them to look up to me one day with respect. But yeah, I know it will be tough! I mean what can you do when you are the only rock, the only guy in the family. Sometimes I thought, Man I don’t want to do this anymore. But now I have a purpose.
Quick little rant, HONESTLY I can’t wait to be engaged, not sure to who, when, how! But man I am getting old! Can’t wait to find the love of my life. K Bye Let’s hope reaction tech is not to bad
